A Matrix for Measuring Success

The Success Nebulous 

I am always fascinated by the different ways families define and measure success. Just like the words bat and well, success can carry multiple meanings. For some, it might mean achieving Honor Roll status after months of evening homework and study sessions. For others, it could mean earning a spot on the All-Star team. Some may deem the preservation of Family Game Nights as a major success, while others may simply feel that remembering to grab breakfast before rushing off to start the day is something to celebrate.

Regardless of interpretation, every parent wants their child to feel successful. In this pursuit, however, we may overlook the ways in which our children are already successful, or ways in which they could expand upon their current successes. 

My experience working with families has led me to view success through a quadrant model. When we zoom out and acknowledge all four quadrants, we can identify those in which our child naturally thrives. This information can then be used to build upon their innate tendencies in order to strengthen all four quadrants, thus providing meaningful and tailored support that will strengthen their confidence, character, and ability to achieve in future endeavors.

Which Quadrant(s) Is Your Child Most Successful In?

Interpersonal Success refers to your child’s relationships and social connections. Your child may lean toward this quadrant if they have a knack for…

• Fostering healthy relationships.
• Continuously reflecting and strengthening their communication skills.
• Actively listening and maintaining conversations. 
• Expressing gratitude and empathy.
• Tending to own needs as well as the needs of others in a fair way. [Alternative phrase: Addressing their own needs while recognizing the needs of others in a fair way.]

Intrapersonal Success involves your child’s ability to turn inward in order to achieve goals. Your child may lean toward this quadrant if they are able to…

• Regulate their emotions without much guidance. 
• Feel confident without the need for much external validation.
• Adapt to change and be open to new ideas.
• Demonstrate next-level self-awareness and self-discipline.

Academic/Performance Success addresses the degree to which your child excels in academia and/or other performance-based activities. Your child may lean toward this quadrant if they tend to…

• Develop and maintain productive study/practice habits. 
• Know their personal academic and/or performance style. 
• Use critical thinking to process and assess new information.
• Build upon previous knowledge to obtain and hold onto new knowledge.
• Obtain good grades or performance scores and maintain enthusiasm for continuous learning in their area of interest.

Nucleus Success involves aligning choices with morals and healthy big-picture outcomes. Your child may lean toward this quadrant if they… 

• Have a strong understanding of their own morals, values, and beliefs.
• Make decisions based on their core beliefs, even in moments when this is hard.
• Actively strive to achieve health, contribution, and overall happiness.
• Maintain healthy habits (physical, social, emotional, mental).

Using the Quadrant Model to Support Your Child

Understanding which quadrant(s) your child gravitates toward can help you in supporting them overall. In fact, it can provide you with a starting point for discussions that involve…

• Acknowledging their own strengths and successes during moments of low self-confidence and uncertainty.
• Gaining sense-of-self and preferences in order to leverage natural qualities to overcome challenges. 
• Developing a growth mindset and self-compassion in areas needing improvement.
• Determining the most effective and tailored approach to challenges.
• Embracing the many pathways to success and appreciating the value of others on their personal path.
• Creating an action plan for growth within and between the quadrants.
• Measuring growth within and between the quadrants.

When we view success through a multidimensional lens and encourage our children to discover their own path to achievement, we set them up for, well, SUCCESS!

This perspective allows them to let go of unrealistic ideals, to explore strengths and passions, and to define success in their own right. As a result, they develop resilience, confidence, and deeper ambition, reassured by the knowledge that their potential is limitless.