How to Raise a Confident Child
Posted by Julia Cook, Boys Town Press Author and Former School Counselor on Jun 8th 2023
As a mom, I wanted to instill confidence in my three children, but I always feared that if they became overly confident, they would struggle.
Confidence is an attribute that will serve a child for life. However, overconfidence can keep kids from growing, learning, and reaching their ultimate potential. At the same time, if children care too much about the opinions of others, they may start to question or doubt their own intrinsic self-worth.
As parents, embracing our children for who they are is one of the greatest gifts we can give them. But we also want our kids to care about what other people think so they can cultivate healthy human relationships, accept feedback from others in a productive way, and realize that the world does not revolve around them.
To help your children find the sweet spot of self-confidence (not too cocky and not too insecure), try following as many of these steps as you can:
1. Establish a strong relationship with your children based on TRUST and COMMUNICATION. With powerful, supportive relationships, a child can weather any storm they face. A great way to start building more communication with your children is to play the “High, Low, and Sprinkle“ game. The game is simple, ask your kids to name or describe the best part of their day (the high), the worst part of their day (the low), and what make them happy or grateful (the sprinkle). Then be sure to share your high, low, and sprinkle with them.
2. Build your children’s self-worth by celebrating their uniqueness and pointing out the amazing things that set them apart.
3. Teach your kids to celebrate from the inside out. For example, instead of praising your children for what they are doing (“Wow! I’m so proud of you for sitting so nice in this restaurant for such a long time!”), encourage them to use self-praise (“You’re doing such a great job sitting! I can only imagine how proud you must feel on the inside. I bet you’re doing a happy dance in your head. Can you show me what it looks like?).
4. Explain how your child’s uniqueness can benefit the community, the country, and the world.
5. Point out and discuss the uniqueness in others and how they are influencing and shaping your hometown, state, or the world. These individuals can be in your social circle, your community, your country, or on the world stage.
6. Help your kids embrace their unique selves by allowing them to make individual, healthy choices, such as what clothes to wear, what foods to eat, and what extracurricular activities to participate in.
7. Model embracing and accepting differences through your interactions with others.
8. Teach your kids that much of the feedback they are given is meant to help them grow. For example, you might tell your child, “Most people are not trying to hurt you, they are just letting you know that their preferences may be different from yours… and that’s okay.”
9. Provide a safe place to make mistakes, where shame and guilt do not reside. True growth comes by learning from mistakes and finding the positives in even the most difficult of circumstances. Remember and remind your children: Great people make great mistakes every day!
10. Tell your kids, “You don’t need to change anything to be like everybody else, because everyone is different. Just be yourself. Being yourself will make you happy, and if you’re happy with yourself, you will always find a way to fit in with others.”
Always keep in mind – YOU are your child’s best teacher. If you can model a healthy sense of confidence through your actions, your children will have a much easier path to self-actualization.