KEEPERS: Seven Tips for Strengthening Relationships with Students

When it comes to any type of counseling, the strength of the therapeutic relationship is the number one factor that contributes to positive counseling outcomes. Without establishing rapport and a solid working alliance with students, no intervention will ever really amount to much.

Relationship-building is truly the bedrock of the school counseling profession. As we embark on 2025, here’s a handy little acrostic (KEEPERS) comprised of seven tips to help school counselors build stronger relationships with students:

Kneel. When working with young students, you likely have the height advantage. Because of this, you are literally (though inadvertently) talking down to them. Kneeling down to the students’ level helps minimize the power differential. It makes you seem less imposing. Taking a knee communicates to students that what you have to say matters enough that you are willing to change your physical stance. It likewise communicates that you value what they have to say.

Educate. Let students know who you are and why you are there. Many young students aren’t aware of what a counselor is or what they do. Let students know that you are a safe person who is there to foster their social, emotional, and academic needs. This is best done at the beginning of the year by visiting each classroom, but it can be done at any time. Keep track of any new students, and ensure they know your role as well.

Engage. Think back to when you were growing up. Did your most profound conversations with adults happen when you were both sitting still in chairs? Probably not. You were likely engaged in an activity together. With my dad, our best conversations came from our fishing trips together. While you probably won’t be taking your students fishing, there are numerous opportunities to engage in shared activities (playing games, creating art, building with Legos, etc.).

Be Present. When you have a free moment (I know, I know – what’s that?), let yourself be seen. Walk the halls. Step outside during recess. Greet students as they enter the doors and say goodbye to them when they leave. Allow students to become familiar with you. Most of us have some level of fear when it comes to the unknown. When you are a daily presence, you become a fixture in the students’ school community – rather than some stranger they may be sent to on random occasions.

Empathize. Young people are used to people telling them what to do. Focus more on listening rather than talking. Really try to understand the child’s inner world. It’s easy to dismiss a “C” on a test as no big deal in the grand scheme of things. But children don’t have the wealth of experiences adults do. A “C” on a test might be the worst thing that has ever happened to them. Seek to see the situation from their vantage point. Helping them learn to deal with small setbacks and failures in the future will scaffold their future abilities to address life’s challenges.

Remember. Remember the little things. If you know a student had a big game or a big test, check in with them to see how it went. Acknowledge their birthdays and significant life events. Sometimes, it’s the smallest remembrances that let people know that you truly care.

Share Interests. No, you don’t need to disclose the details of your personal life. Personally, I’m a massive Star Wars fan. I can’t tell you how many times this was my “in” with a student. I’m also a bit of a dinosaur buff. That resonated with many students as well. Finding commonalities between you and your students can lay the foundation upon which a solid working relationship can grow. Shared interests make you more interesting to students (who wants to talk to a boring person?), and it allows them to see your humanity.

Remember, quality relationships ensure quality counseling. As we venture into 2025, try giving some of the tips above a try and see how they work for you.