Supporting Elementary Students with Separation Anxiety at School

Today, more and more students seem to be experiencing separation anxiety. That’s not terribly surprising, however, given everything they’ve lived through in recent years.

According to the Child Mind Institute, several contributing factors are behind the rise in separation anxiety:

• Many kids have grown accustomed to spending more time at home with their families.
• They have experienced disrupted school schedules and routines.
• They are more wary of others after maintaining social distancing for so long.
• They are picking up on the heightened anxiety of the adults around them.

It’s not just the most vulnerable or the very young who are affected. Upper elementary students are struggling, too. As educators, parents, and caregivers, we have a responsibility to provide the help and reassurance they need. Fortunately, there are many practical strategies, both proactive and reactive, that can make a real difference. Here are just a few…

Hosting Orientation Activities . Provide more opportunities for students of all ages to visit and tour their school before classes begin. Events, such as back-to-school nights and open houses, are low-stress situations where students can meet their teachers, find their desks or cubbies, and get a feel for their surroundings. This is a universal support that can be beneficial to any student, whether they struggle with separation anxiety or not.

Promoting Peer Connections and Collaborations . Use collaborative projects, class meetings, or other rituals and routines to help form connections and relationships in the classroom and at school. Assigning students special morning jobs can provide motivation as well as help foster a greater sense of belonging and ownership at school.

Posting Daily Schedules. Uncertainty can drive anxiety. Posting a general schedule of the day in a highly visible area (classroom wall or home refrigerator) will help kids know what they can expect during their day.

Providing Consistency and Predictability . Both are essential at home and in school. Arrive on time to school or the bus stop. Exchange a quick goodbye and make a quick exit so the child can smoothly transition into their routine. Lingering or having long, drawn-out goodbyes can make transitions harder for everyone, including other students who happen to be nearby.

Being Positive! As much as possible, speak positively about the classroom, teachers, and staff. Encourage kids to do the same by asking them about the funny, interesting, or successful situations they experienced during the school day.

Using Transition/Comfort Objects . Some children benefit from having a “transition object” they can see and touch when they are anxious. These small objects can be worn or kept in a backpack, such as a bracelet, photo, toy, or stuffed animal.

More Tailored Support…

For children who require additional support, a more tailored plan for managing their separation anxiety may be needed. For example, some kids handle goodbyes better at home than at the school door. Therefore, riding the bus (if possible) might be more advantageous because it allows the family to say their goodbyes at home. If the school bus isn’t an option, consider having another trusted adult handle the school drop-off.

If neither option is viable or effective, teachers and parents could work together to identify other trusted adults at school who can rotate and be available to assist the child from drop-off to the classroom. It’s best to avoid relying on just one person, as that staff member may not always be available. Also, it’s important that kids do not become dependent on this assistance. Set a deadline when the extra support will end and gradually work to wean kids off it. Parents and caregivers can support this effort by finding opportunities to practice separation at home. The Child Mind Institute, for example, suggests having the child play in a different room, away from their parents, or using babysitters.

Storybook Lessons...

Many of these strategies are brought to life in a relatable way for children and parents in my storybook, Jasper Lizard Wants to Stay Home, which can be read at home, in class, in small groups, or during back-to-school orientation events. In addition, there are interactive activities that complement the story, providing opportunities for kids to practice and apply these strategies.

For those students who continue to struggle with debilitating separation anxiety, they may benefit from additional counseling or a referral to a pediatrician for additional resources and recommendations.